25.9.09

a poem in progress

I posted my first draft of a poem I recently wrote here but I want to spend more time on it, revise it, and submit it for a competition, so it's off the blog for now...

autumn’s melancholy

with the season’s subtle shift
death crawls in
without protest or complaint
to impede its advancement

leaves lose suppleness
drifting to the ground with a sigh of inevitability
decay’s cloying scent taints the breeze
and assaults the senses with a pungent musty sweetness
vibrant colours fade with resignation
the landscape transforms
into a dull dun monochrome
the brittle shifting of the dry grass
becomes the rattling of bones and the whispers of ghosts

life is retreating for hibernation
blanketed by listless and unresponsive iciness
pristinely beautiful but numbing to the bone
a pledge that even the deepest parts of ourselves
are not immune

death
tiptoes on the cooler currents of change
slinks in with the blackened dimness of the longer nights

amidst the pervading chill and shadows
hope wavers
emotions harden
belief becomes shifty and illusive

but

beneath the melancholy exterior
life is regenerating
determined to defy those icy fingers of fatality
intent on thrusting through the shallow surface
and emerging with the pure green fragrance of full colour blooms

24.9.09

missing out

This weather is making it hard for me to enjoy my work. I feel like I'm missing out. My classroom is in the basement with no windows and I miss the sunshine. This morning I was driving to school at 8:00 a.m. The sun was shining and it was 12 degrees and climbing; I saw a runner and I felt cheated. It was perfect running weather and I was on my way to my little box in the basement. Obviously there's so much more to my job than that, and I really do enjoy it (most days anyhow), but all I wanted to do was turn the Jeep around, go back home, change into my running gear, and enjoy the morning while hearing my feet pound the pavement. I think I just miss summer.

12.9.09

My Publication

My little publication arrived in the mail today (well, I picked it up today) and it's pretty cool to see my writing in an actual booklet. It's nothing fancy, but it looks like a poetry/writing magazine that was professionally printed. I'm impressed with the finished product. I'm going to order a bunch more copies and sell them to friends and family, so if you're interested, let me know. I think I'll charge $10 per booklet, just to cover my printing and shipping costs. If you want to preview it, click on the title of this post to view it on the Lulu website, where I published it.

filling the space

Sometimes I wonder how much of my life is simply "filling the space"...

A common mantra of our generation sounds something like this: "There's never enough time!" or "I need more time!" or "There are not enough hours in a day!". And yet the practice of our generation is to fill the space with the almightly electronic device: television or video games or iPods or computers or cell phones. Or perhaps "and" would fit better in that sentence than "or". We make excuses for it, say: "It's my way of connecting with people" or "I'm working" or "I can't help it; I'm addicted". [Whatever happened to real CONTACT, where we actually make the effort to see people face-to-face, talk on the phone, actually wrap our arms around someone rather than send an emoticon?] We fill the space around us with so much noise and activity that we really don't have any spare time. But what is spare time? And how much of the lack of it can we blame on work? society? addiction? habit? Really, we're the reason we have no time. We make our choices about how to fill the space. I know that if I'd just turn off the t.v., get off the couch, off this computer, away from the hum of electronics, I might actually have time for that book, a friend, creating clean space, writing with a pen on paper. We don't need more time. We need to reevaluate how we fill up the spaces in the time we have. Really, in the time we're given. We act like it's our time to spend, but we're actually living within the gift of time and we're expected to do something worthwhile and valuable with it, not just fill up the space.

3.9.09

a long time coming

In the whirlwind that this week has been, I haven't had much time for me or the things that ground me. I haven't had time to run (and I'm running a race in a week and a half!), I've done very little reading, and that I have done is work-related, not enough gardening (I hope it's still alive), no cooking, and of course, very little writing. I actually did write something pretty cool while sitting in Turtle Hill Park with my Creative Writing class on Tuesday, but it's not here in front of me, so I'll have to post it another day. Originally, I wanted to write something for this blog every day, even if it was just a few words, but I'm glad I didn't put pressure on myself to do that. I've been learning that most of my stress is self-induced by setting my standards and my expectations for myself too high. I'm trying to learn to celebrate what I'm able to accomplish, rather than regret or belittle myself for what I don't do. I feel that I'm making progress in this area, but still have a long way to go. Thank the Lord for my husband, who's constantly helping me see when I'm too hard on myself and reminding me of all the good and amazing things I've managed to accomplish. I know this is going to be a busy year, but I'm hoping it's not as stressful. Here's a silly little poem I just came up with. Perhaps it should be my motto this year:

Fresh stress:
Mess.
Less stress?
Yes!